Personal perspective.
Whenever people exhibit counter-productive behavior, you can be sure they're in an insecure state of mind. If they were feeling more secure, they would have the wisdom to avoid those behaviors. When we perceive counterproductive behaviors in others, our response is either resentment or compassion. We feel resentment if we focus on the behavior and how it affects us. We are compassionate if we look beyond the behavior to the troubled state of mind that motivated it.
Self-judgment.
Compassion also protects us against our own harsh self-judgement. We gain tolerance of our own imperfection. When we feel compassion we can identify with the humanness of life's predicaments. We are reminded of how we all occasionally get lost in our thoughts and lose our perspective.
Inner calmness.
Compassion calms us down and makes us feel more secure.
Sympathy.
Compassion is not sympathy. Sympathy requires you to recall painful feelings from a similar event from your past. By sympathizing, you and your companion are both troubled. You become distant from your companion because your attention is on your memories, not on him/her.
To find Compassion
1. Look beyond specifics. One must look beyond specific problems to the basic human elements involved. If a person is sad because his mother has died, the listener must look beyond the death to the basic human experience of disappointment through loss. If a person is angry, the listener must look beyond the situation to the pain we feel when we lose sight of another's innocence. Compassion reminds us of our own humanity. We are able to see the big picture.
2. Look for the motivation.Look beyond the behavior to the troubled state of mind that motivated the behavior.
Connectedness.
Compassion for others is almost impossible if you are filled with a belief that you are separate and distinct from other human beings. Individual yes - separate - never!
Compassion eases friction.
Without compassion and understanding, interpersonal friction erodes the good feelings in a relationship. Compassion is the emotional lubricant that protects human beings from each other's frailties. Compassion is like a blanket of understanding that protects us from the rough edges of personalities. Were we not filled with compassion, we would be intimidated by the other person's behavior.
Whenever people exhibit counter-productive behavior, you can be sure they're in an insecure state of mind. If they were feeling more secure, they would have the wisdom to avoid those behaviors. When we perceive counterproductive behaviors in others, our response is either resentment or compassion. We feel resentment if we focus on the behavior and how it affects us. We are compassionate if we look beyond the behavior to the troubled state of mind that motivated it.
Self-judgment.
Compassion also protects us against our own harsh self-judgement. We gain tolerance of our own imperfection. When we feel compassion we can identify with the humanness of life's predicaments. We are reminded of how we all occasionally get lost in our thoughts and lose our perspective.
Inner calmness.
Compassion calms us down and makes us feel more secure.
Sympathy.
Compassion is not sympathy. Sympathy requires you to recall painful feelings from a similar event from your past. By sympathizing, you and your companion are both troubled. You become distant from your companion because your attention is on your memories, not on him/her.
To find Compassion
1. Look beyond specifics. One must look beyond specific problems to the basic human elements involved. If a person is sad because his mother has died, the listener must look beyond the death to the basic human experience of disappointment through loss. If a person is angry, the listener must look beyond the situation to the pain we feel when we lose sight of another's innocence. Compassion reminds us of our own humanity. We are able to see the big picture.
2. Look for the motivation.Look beyond the behavior to the troubled state of mind that motivated the behavior.
Connectedness.
Compassion for others is almost impossible if you are filled with a belief that you are separate and distinct from other human beings. Individual yes - separate - never!
Compassion eases friction.
Without compassion and understanding, interpersonal friction erodes the good feelings in a relationship. Compassion is the emotional lubricant that protects human beings from each other's frailties. Compassion is like a blanket of understanding that protects us from the rough edges of personalities. Were we not filled with compassion, we would be intimidated by the other person's behavior.
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